Pitiful
by Rizui-sama
Summary: Ch.3: A lot of insanity, let's just leave it at that. Chibi and Wufei investigate a haunted school; Duo, Rizui, and Trowa are chased by a gang of transvestites. Will we ever find Quatre?! RR minna please!
1. Default Chapter

Pitiful  
  
  
  
  
Hey, the Doc is back! On another name...and another e-mail...I am so clever. The doctor has endless resources.   
  
Cell: This is just a fic explaining why Doc should never eat an entire box of pizza by herself and drink a 2 liter bottle of Apple juice mixed with Pepsi and Dr. Pepper. Damn that's a lot of stuff!  
  
I got hungry! *Pats giant stomach* Ohh I feel sick.  
  
Dad: And you're usually so pale and skinny.  
  
No I don't. Okay, so by accident—or is it fate?—the G-boys get dropped into my lap (and not in that way!) And let it be known that Chibi was Duo in another life. Will they be able to handle the drug addicts and drunkards that live in my neighborhood?! If I can't how will they!?  
  
Dad: *Runs around excitedly* YATTA! YATTA! YATTA!   
  
*Shakes head* See? Now read this while I go puke till I'm back to my normal weight. *Runs to bathroom*  
_______________________________________________________________  
Heero was typing in front of his trusty laptop with Duo snoring away on the couch beside him.  
  
"Hmm, this looks odd—HEY!" Heero shouted as his laptop chose that time to freeze up. He slammed the top down angrily and glared at it. Then the laptop started to glow an unholy glow. Duo slowly came back to the land of the living as the laptop started to rise and Omen music played behind it.  
  
"I take it that's not good." Duo said staring at the floating, glowing laptop.  
  
"No it is not." Heero replied. The Omen music increased in volume as the other 3 occupants of the safe house came from wherever they were to check it out.  
  
"Heero, what is your laptop doing?" Quatre said his voice on the border of calm and panic.  
  
"I have no idea but maybe running would help huh?" Heero said as he and Duo slowly stood. The Gundam pilots were about to bolt when the possessed laptop of doom engulfed the safe house and in a flash the pilots had disappeared.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
On earth, Rizui sat playing N64 with Chibi, who was winning at Mario Party 2.  
  
"AHH! NO, NO, NO!" Rizui said as she slammed her controller down and Chibi jumped up and did a pelvic thrust of victory.  
  
"Okay, now let's go play Poke'mon Stadium!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Miami Vice?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What then?" Rizui pondered this over. Then grinned darkly.  
  
"Let's play chase Chibi!"  
  
"No, what about Poke'mon Stadium 2?"  
  
"Okay, prepare to get your—"CRASH! There was loud crash from the basement and Chibi and Rizui whipped their heads around.  
  
"What was that pray tell?" Rizui said sort of calmly.  
  
"I have no idea flesh of my flesh. Let us go see." Chibi picked up his bible/spell book and headed out of the game room and towards the basement. Rizui walked out and climbed agilely along the walls.  
  
(In the basement)  
Duo rubbed his head and realized he was sitting on Heero. He quickly jumped up and started blushing.  
  
"Uh thanks for breaking my fall?"  
  
"Hn." Heero mumbled as he sprang up. Wufei was helping up Quatre who had landed head first on Trowa, who was suffering a nosebleed from the fall and the closeness of Quatre.   
  
"Just where are we?" As soon as Duo asked that the steel basement door swung open and in the door way was Chibi and hanging from the ceiling was Rizui.  
  
"You're in—"  
  
"—our humble abode!" Rizui finished as she jumped from the ceiling. Chibi jumped down the stairs and swayed to the right as his spell book/bible flew open and Rizui landed to his left and swayed to the left.  
  
"Wait a sec-!"  
  
"VOSHKEN!" The call echoed as the walls of the basement rippled and began to melt around the Gundam pilots.  
  
"What is this!?" Duo shouted as the walls started to crumble and melt around them. The metal of the walls formed a liquid pool that trapped them where they stood.  
  
"In a few minutes you'll either drown or die of major blood loss if you don't tell us who you are!" Rizui hissed.  
  
"Just get us out of this and we'll tell you!!" Heero screamed as he found himself knee-deep in the ever growing pool of liquid metal. Rizui nodded to Chibi who pouted disappointedly.   
  
"Do I have to?"  
  
"Yes now hurry before they die."  
  
"Okay, okay. NEKHSOV!" Chibi shouted and the liquid metal then reverted back to their places on the wall.  
  
"H-how did you do that?!" Duo exclaimed as he looked at the now solid metal on the walls.  
  
"A little magic, duh!" Chibi answered.  
  
"Magic? But magic's not real!"  
  
"Yes it is! And it's easy too! Watch this!" Chibi flipped to a page in his book.  
  
"Lamorte! Whorivus histein le rien!" And black rain started falling from the ceiling.   
  
"Whoa! That is so cool!" Duo said bouncing up to the gloating Chibi. "Got any more stuff in there?"  
  
"Sure I got a million of 'em! I can teach you!"  
  
"Really?! Oh that would be so cool—"  
  
"Dude just follow Chibi and all is cool!" And Duo and Chibi started to converse on every random topic there is.  
  
"...Well that was interesting. Follow me upstairs why don't you?" The G-pilots just shrugged and followed the spider girl.  
_______________________________________________________________   
See? What I tell ya? But this is only part of it my man!  
  
Cell: In a second this will turn cliché-  
  
And in another second 50 million cells will die in my body!  
  
Cell: ...right.  
  
Okay, please review! 


	2. Chapter2

Pitiful  
  
  
Hey I'm back! And I want to say thanks to Shinigami Sama!  
  
Cell: Yay Shinigami Sama. Thanks a LOT for inspiring her.  
  
Awww, come on you have to work with me! I only have on muse!  
  
Cell: That's all you need! *Sings the Cell Song*  
  
AAH! NO! NOT THE CELL SONG!  
  
Cell: Cell, cell, cell, cell—  
  
Begin Transmission. *Pulls a knife from behind her back* Oh cell...  
_______________________________________________________________  
Wufei, Heero, Trowa, and Quatre sat in the giant living room downstairs while Duo and Chibi were back in the basement.  
  
"Does he really know magic? Quatre asked.  
  
"Of course. And we're not talking about rabbits and hats here, let me tell ya." Rizui said leaning back. Then there was a knock on the door.  
  
"I'll be gettin that, never know what crack heads hang around here." Rizui said. She got up and leaned against the door and opened it. She then had a one sided conversation with the man behind the door.   
  
"No. No. I said no. He's in the basement. What?! VOSH—what I thought." She said smugly as she shut the door.   
  
"Who was it?"  
  
"My mother." Quatre went wide eyed and Heero shot her a look.  
  
"I'm kidding! It was just my neighbor! He threatened to kill me again because I shot his dog up." Rizui said shrugging. "Damn dog was getting on my nerves. I had to kill it!" Quatre just looked at her.  
  
"Hn. Weak onna, how did you handle the gun?"  
  
"What do you mean gun? I used a spear! And who you callin' weak biotch!?"  
  
"You baka onna!"  
  
"SON OF A—!" Rizui lunged at Wufei with her finger aiming for his eye.   
  
"HISTIEN LE RISENE!!!!" A small prick of light appeared at Rizui's finger tip. Rizui came at him so fast Wufei almost didn't see it. A laser shot out for his eye and a fist coming for him sideways.  
  
"HIYA!!"  
  
(2 hours later)  
Wufei and Rizui were grappling in the streets surrounded by a large crowd of people.  
  
"I bet on the girl!" said a random person holding up a wad of cash. Rizui pinned Wufei to the ground and elbow-whacked him over and over.  
  
"You! Should! Never! Challenge! Someone! Taller! Than! You!" she cried with every hit. Then Duo and Chibi burst through the door.  
  
"Hey look at the girl! She's kickin Wu-man's ass!"  
  
"I must agree trainer. For your first lesson I want to see you break that up before one of them kills the other non?"  
  
"Okay! Watch this! VOVSHKEN!"  
  
"AH! WRONG SPELL!" The street surrounding Wufei and Rizui dropped out taking them with it.  
  
"Uh ah haha...oops?" Chibi slapped his head.  
  
"Mon Dieu! What did I tell you about pronunciation?!"  
  
"Gomen nasai."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Well at least I can get them out of it. NEKHSVOV!" The ground reappeared and so did Wufei and Rizui, who Rizui was still dragging across the ground.  
  
"Now, the air spell boy." Chibi said glaring at Duo. "And you had better do it right or SOMEONE'S gonna find themselves in a space rip!"  
  
"Uh okay! Um let's see...oh yeah! LUPIN QUIMRIVUS! RUGEN MUNDAI!" Chibi nodded approvingly as all the spectators of the fight were blown away and Rizui dropped Wufei.  
  
"OKAY, FIGHT'S OVER PEOPLE! GET BACK 'FORE I SEND Y'ALL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION!" Duo screamed. The crowd muttered various curses before slowly deteriorating until only Rizui remained tapping her foot impatiently on Wufei's head.  
  
(10 minutes later)  
Everyone except Quatre was in the large living room downstairs again wondering where said blonde was.   
  
"I hope he didn't get kidnapped by those pot-heads down the street!" Rizui cried worriedly.  
  
"No way, Q-man wouldn't let him self get kidnapped!"  
  
"I dunno now, trainer. Those pot heads are awful sneaky." Chibi warned tapping the side of his nose. Duo stood triumphantly.  
  
"Well what are w doing here!? We must save him! QUATRE!"   
  
"Wait trainer! Don't do anything—"Door slam. "—stupid. Well come on, we have to go investigate. Rizu, Trowa, go find Duo and check out the Crack House. Wufei, Heero, you come with me." Chibi announced. They all bounded out the door and went their separate ways.  
_______________________________________________________________  
Was Quatre really kidnapped by pot-heads?! If so, how do we find him? Pot heads are everywhere! Poor Quatre!   
  
Cell: You just had to do this didn't you?  
  
I'm sorry. Please review! 


	3. Chapter3

Pitiful  
  
  
Whoo-Whoo! I am back again!  
  
Cell: That was quick.  
  
With every review, I get stronger!  
  
Cell: *Rolls eyes* Right.  
  
Okay, thank you my lovely reviewers! Both of ya...  
  
Cell: 2 is good.  
  
No it's not!  
  
Cell: YES IT IS CONSIDERING HOW MUCH THIS FIC SUCKS!  
  
DOES NOT! Begin Transmission. *Dust cloud fight ensues*  
_______________________________________________________________  
It was 1:45 AM as Duo, Rizui, and Trowa were searching every house down the street while Chibi and his party had gone farther up the street.  
  
"We must search every house until Quatre is found!" Duo exclaimed from the roof of a house they were searching.  
  
"Will you be silent?! You'll wake the occupants! Y'know, a gang lives here."  
  
"So?" Trowa said as he climbed through a now open window. Rizui followed him in.  
  
"A gang of TRANSVESTITES mind you!" Rizui whispered harshly.  
  
"What's a transvestite?" Trowa asked as and Duo scanned the house. Rizui stood as a look out by the door at an angle where she could see the entire front half of the house.  
  
"A male who dresses up like a female—"  
  
"Or it could be the opposite!" Duo said as he walked further down a hall. Trowa went into the kitchen and scanned it.   
  
"Yes uh I think. Hey, hurry up! Someone's coming!" Rizui said as she peeked out the window. Trowa knocked out another window and jumped out of along with Duo and Rizui. As soon as they were outside, however, they found themselves surrounded by guns, flashlights, and a gang of very angry transvestites.   
  
"This could be a problem." Duo said and Rizui and Trowa nodded their heads.  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
Heero, Chibi, and Wufei were farther up the street searching various houses for the missing Arabian.  
  
"Hey, what's that giant building up there?"  
  
"A school." Chibi said as he broke in and out of another house.  
  
"That's a school?! Damn it's big!" Wufei shouted as he observed the school. Heero knocked on someone's door.  
  
  
"Why are you knocking on the door? This is a B & E mission, not some damn public service shizznat!" Chibi exclaimed.   
  
"I was checking if someone was in here." Heero said as he shot the door off. Chibi shook his head.  
  
"There's another way to check if someone's in the house y'know—Wufei?" Chibi looked over at Wufei to see him walking mechanically towards the school.  
  
"Wouldn't that be a good place to stash Quatre?" Wufei asked. Chibi looked thoughtful then chuckled.  
  
"Hm, I suppose so. Okay, you and I will check out the school and Heero can handle the rest of the street." Heero looked up at the school.  
  
"Why would they hide him in a school?"  
  
Chibi shrugged. "Why do pot-heads do anything?"  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
"KLIEDEN JUN DE RE!!" Duo cried and sent the transvestites in front of him and he, Rizui, and Trowa made a run for it.  
  
"Quickly! To the Liquor Store!"   
  
"Liquor Store?!"  
  
"Yes, we'll lose them in there!" Rizui shouted back. The transvestite gang was hot on their heels as Rizui smashed through the glass doors of the Liquor Store.   
  
"Uh are you okay?"  
  
"Oh, not really but I'll live I think." Rizui said as she crawled along a wall. Duo jumped behind the counter as the sound of guns going off echoed through the small store. Trowa joined him after he realized he had been shot in the arm.  
  
"Ouch." Trowa said looking at his wound. Duo went cross-eyed.  
  
"You just got shot in the arm by a homosexual and all you have to say is 'ouch'?"  
  
"What do you want me to say?" Just then Rizui lowered her self from the ceiling until she was just behind the leader.  
  
"Hey queer, behind you." She said flatly. All of them looked behind them and shrieked.  
  
"VOKEN AULRA!!" Rizui shouted and sudden tornado swept up the transvestite gang and carried them out of the store. Rizui dropped herself from the ceiling and Duo and Trowa appeared from behind the counter.  
  
"Cool spell!" Duo exclaimed.  
  
"Yes trainer. Now we must continue our quest. I wonder if Chibi has had any luck?"  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
Chibi and Wufei had broken into the school with no trouble at all. The school looked far bigger on the inside than it did on the outside.  
  
"Uh I think we should split up, y'know? I'll take the 7th and 8th grade half and you take the 6th and 5th grade half. We'll meet here in about...an hour okay?" Wufei nodded and went right and Chibi went left.  
  
(12 minutes later)  
Wufei had marched up a grand total 24 flights of stairs and he STILL had only covered about 1/3 of the half he was in. He checked every classroom thoroughly and still no sign of Quatre.  
  
"INJUSTICE! This is injustice!" Wufei screamed as his patience began to wear thin.   
  
Meanwhile Chibi was on the other side of the school and had covered 50% of his half. Then he felt something cold brush his skin.  
  
"Whashawho? What was that?" he said turning around only to meet with air. Then something brushed against his skin again and he whipped around to be faced with a very pale Wufei.  
  
"Wufei? I said in an hour! Get back to your half!"  
  
"T-there's s-s-s-something b-b-b-back t-there that sh-shouldn't b-b-be!" Wufei stammered. Chibi raised an eye brow at the Chinese pilot.  
  
"Dude, what are you talking about?" Then Wufei's eyes widened beyond proportion.  
  
"G-g-g-g-g-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"G-g-g-g-g-g-"  
  
"What is it boy?!"  
  
"G-g-g-GHOST!!" Wufei screamed. Chibi raised both his eyebrows and slowly turned around to be faced with the ugliest looking apparition you'll ever see. It had the head of a cat and the body of a were-wolf and black blood dripped from its mouth and its skin was falling off. It was black and furry and bone was poking through in some places and its spine rested on its head.  
  
"...AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
Duo, Trowa, and Rizui had finally reached their destination: the Crack House. The one place on Rizui's street where all the drug-addicts, prostitutes and everything else unholy flocked to smoke weed and other things.  
  
"So that's the Crack House? It doesn't look like one..." Duo commented.  
  
"Yeah I know. Well we've gotten no word from Heero, Wufei, or Chibi so if he's not here then I'm out of ideas!" Rizui said shrugging. Trowa stepped forward.  
  
"Well let's go in and drag him out."  
  
"That's a horrible pun." Rizui said stepping on the porch.  
  
"A pun? What do you mean?" Trowa asked confusedly. Rizui just shook her and tore the screen door off, surprising herself.  
  
"Damn, will ya look at that." she mumbled to herself. Duo jumped up behind her.  
  
"We must save Q-man! QUATRE!" Rizui shook her head as Duo kicked the door down as was blown away by the amount of smoke in the small room.  
  
"Damn! What the hell is that!?"  
  
"I give you...the Crack House." Rizui said. She jumped in and walked along the ceiling.  
  
"Where is the boy!?"  
_______________________________________________________________  
Wow, what a place to put a cliffie huh? So has Quatre really been abducted by the pot-heads? And what about Chibi, Wufei, and the demon?  
  
Cell: Oh boy.  
  
Please review if ya wanna see how this ends! 


End file.
